Years ago I had a mentor who used to tell his students “show up and grow up.” For more than a decade I’ve tried to do just that…with considerable difficulty.

It seemed that the showing up part wasn’t so complex, but the growing up? Well, that was another story.

It seemed like no matter what I did I wasn’t really “grown up.” I felt like a child playing make-believe. When did my life become about working a “real job”, paying bills, getting married (and being monogamous), and having kids?

Seriously, grown-ups didn’t have fun…did they? I mean, I’m fun…but then again I wouldn’t have classified myself as a grown-up.

I’m the same girl who stood on a newsstand in the middle of Mardi Gras and directed the entire French Quarter in a round of the Oscar Meyer Bologna song. I’d only been there 10 minutes, and was fully sober, but since I didn’t intend to flash anything but my smile I had to get creative about how I’d acquire my beads.

That’s me – that’s who I’ve always been: fun and adventurous, but safe and calculating. I love spontaneity while craving stability. I expect the unexpected and hope for familiarity.

Technically, I’m grown-up material…like, the stuff of legends. Yet, I couldn’t seem to get this “growing up” thing down.

And in just these past few days, I’ve learned why. Showing up makes growing up almost impossible.

The fact is we show up for temporary things – a concert, a party. But life? Life is something to which we must commit; just like growing up.

You can’t grow up if you’re showing up; if you’re spending more time checking out the exit than checking into the Main Event.

The key to growing up is to do it your way. Are you happy, fulfilled and – most importantly – productive? If you said yes, than you’re a grown-up! Better still, you’re a grown-up of your own design.

What I had to realize was that growing up wasn’t hard for me at all, but growing up according to someone else’s standards of me – well, that wasn’t much fun. And I wanted being a grown-up to be a little bit of fun. After all, what’s the point of working so hard if you never get to reap the benefits?

So, I’ve decided to shuck the whole thing and start over. Like all great grown-ups, I’ll have to make some sacrifices in the months to come. I’ll have to do some things I don’t want to be productive (things I’m good at but don’t care for) in order to create a buffer. This buffer will afford me time and opportunity. Within this space I can begin to comfortably do what I love, and ultimately getting to the point of happiness and fulfillment.

My desire has always been to write, but I’ve never been in a place to write without worrying about bills and other expenses. As you’ve seen from previous posts, my needs are always met. I’ve never gone without food, shelter or clothing (no matter how close I may have come). But I realize now that in order to manifest abundance, I have to stop showing up to growing up and commit to it. I’ve got to implement a plan – a new plan…my plan – so I can show out.

Some of you know all about showing out. If you don’t stay tuned…the best is yet to come. Namaste.

Posted by The Blue Jean Diva, mz. iscis malone, with WordPress for BlackBerry.