Yesterday, I posted about how important your perspective is in situations of adversity. Your perspective can be the difference between triumph and tragedy, whether you drown or soar.
Shortly after this post, I went to a women’s empowerment meeting. We were discussing what iit means to overcome, so I shared my opinion and highlighted points from my post. The women were happy with my input, but one had a question about how this pertained to romantic relationships.
What happens when you encounter hardships in a relationship? What changes, if anything, when you add another person to the mix; when you are in a space of co-creation? Now, someone else is equally responsible for the direction that this union takes. What do you do then? You may see the hardship as a learning tool – a point of growth and an opportunity to overcome – but if your partner doesn’t…aren’t you screwed?
This is my own personal take and what I shared with this woman yesterday:
Even in situations of co-creation, you must be responsible for you.
You cannot control anyone but yourself. Hence, it is important that you reflect on your choices for staying with someone who’s drowning. Have you convinced yourself that you are the key to unlocking their potential? Have you not yet accepted something they have demonstrated to you time again is true? Do you feel obligated, guilty, stuck? Perhaps you haven’t committed to loving your Self more than you love another and therefore cannot release the obvious dead weight.
Take my own personal love experiences. I’ve always compared myself to Moses from the Bible. In Exodus, Moses does all this work to remove the people from Pharaoh’s Land. He facilitates their exit out of Egypt – out of captivity, he leads them into the desert and toward the Promised Land. But the people get lost in the desert. They fight Moses and choose to worship other gods. They create idols and break the commandments.
At one point, God tells Moses to talk to the people but Moses disobeys and scolds them. For this one transgression, Moses never sees the Promised Land. It is his mentee, Joshua, who gets to reap the benefits of his rewards.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been latched onto a sinking ship. How many women have reaped the benefits of my hard work once I finally come to my senses and bail out (and unlike Moses and Joshua, I don’t know them. They weren’t there when I sweat and toiled). But they swoop in like Joshua to reap the rewards of the work done by the one before them. Some (like Joshua) weren’t even born or were just babes when I helped “free” their new love from captivity (of the mind).
Yes, like Moses and the Israelites, I’ve walked around that same mountain several times. In fact, just like them I traveled around it wanting it to change, never realizing that it was changing me!
Now, because of my experiences, I have a better grasp on co-creation. I am no longer interested in being Moses, I want to be Joshua right out the gate. I no longer have an interest in “setting anyone free,” I want to meet him unshackled and liberated. The bare minimum is no longer an option, either.
See, when you have a Moses mentality you only ask for the basics (like the ten commandments). When you ask for the basics and people miss the mark (because everyone falls short and is bound to give you less than you ask for from time to time), you lack in inexplicable ways.
However, if you choose to make requests like the Joshua generation, you want abundance, more than enough. You want the never-ending flow of milk and honey. You want to see that the promises made to you are indeed kept.
When you make such requests, your co-creator has no choice but to aim high. If they miss the mark, it’s workable because they are striving for more, for better. They are already of the mind that it can be done. They see this shortfall as an opportunity to grow; to learn more so that s/he might do more and keep good on their word to co-create a destiny of your joint design.
Yes, even in a romantic relationship (heck even in the non-romantic ones) YOUR perspective still plays its part. The choices you make determine where you go, what you do and with whom you co-create. So again, whether you drown or come thrashing above the water with a butterfly stroke just in time to grab hold to the helicopter that will soar you to safety…is ultimately up to you.
As I always say, it is okay to love another but remember to love you more.
Best of luck and Namaste.
Posted by The Blue Jean Diva, mz. iscis malone, with WordPress for BlackBerry.