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The Life and Times of a Blue Jean Diva is a blog about my life; the ups and downs, ins and outs. It’s all about my everyday trials and triumphs – the epiphanies and revelations that help me to get by, get through and get over. My purpose for sharing these experiences is multifaceted.

On the one hand, sharing my fears, hopes and expectations for my life requires a certain level of bravery.  I am granting total strangers access to some of my innermost thoughts; thoughts many of the people in my life are not privy to…unless they are secretly subscribing to my blog.

Secondly, I am hoping that explicating my steps along the journey to victory and freedom will allow others to find their own way and join me on the adventure to whole-ness.

Now, what this blog has never been meant to do is be a platform for my own political, moral or spiritual agenda.  Granted, this is my blog and I can say and do whatever I want – but that is not what I want for this space.  Rather than spew commentary that is likely to provoke people to anger I’d prefer to provoke them to think critically – an what better place to begin than with a little self assessment.

*sigh* And so, I say all of that to say that in the last 48 hours I have come across some nerve-racking news and made some astonishing revelations; each of which have prompted me to write about things outside the norm.  For instance, yesterday I wrote some things about the Trayvon Martin murder case (or lack thereof).  Today, I’ll be speaking about my faith.

It is far from coincidental that thinking of one sparked thought about other.  You see, for the majority of the day, prior to blogging about the killing of an innocent, 17-year old Black boy, I had been discussing with different individuals the importance of a revolution.  I had mentioned (to just about anyone who would listen) that the revolution will not take place in the streets, it will take place behind closed doors.  The revolution will be plotted, planned and implemented in the homes of those who know better.  The revolution will not be televised because it will be personalized.  The revolution will take place in the hearts and minds of the populace.  What we see afterward will be the result of that change.

I was rather passionate about the topic.  After all, I consider myself a revolutionary.  I believe strongly in the need for change. I believe change is best effected when it is birthed from Love not hate.  I believe in the human capacity for compassion and empathy and I know it can help us to heal if we can just learn to stop fearing our Selves long enough to listen to one another. Yes, I consider myself a revolutionary…and I am not the only one.

So what does any of this have to do with my faith you may be wondering? Well, I couldn’t help but think about all the things this young man didn’t get to accomplish. How quickly his life was ended.  I thought about how terrible it was that he never got to step into his purpose.  In that moment, I had to praise God.  I had to thank Him for keeping me and my family safe.  I had to thank him for not allowing me to be taken too soon.

I thought back to all the times I was nearly killed, nearly dead.  My mother’s car accident while I was still in the womb. My fall down the steps onto concrete at a few months old. Being rammed into a busy intersection by a drunk driver. Being held at gunpoint by – not one – but two gunmen. I thought about how many times I had come close to death, looked it in the eye or stared at it down the barrel of a gun…and walked away to talk about it.

God has something for me to do! There is something I am meant to do.  And yet, here I am planning, prepping, plotting and proofing.  Every once in a while I get a big one.  I do something that knocks even my socks off.  But it’s not consistent.  No, instead I get distracted with the minutiae of daily life. (Yes, I know what we say about distractions, but it happens to the best of us, apparently. See T.I.T.O. for more about that).

I have been kept here for a reason, a purpose. And it’s not like I don’t know what that purpose is.  It’s not like I don’t have a clue what I have been called here to do.  So why am I still planning?  Why am I still “working on it?” I have become so consumed with “what it looks like,” that I have forgotten one very important factor: people have to see it to judge it.  I’ve spent years planning, prepping, proofing and – quite frankly – putting this off.

What about you? Do you know what you’re here for? Do you know what you’re meant to do? Are you living in your purpose? Are you walking in your Light? Are you a doer or a dreamer? Are you still thinking about it, trying to work out the kinks and connect with the right people? Are you out there?

I am asking this because a little boy didn’t get to live out his purpose. But know this, everything the opposition means for bad God brings together for good.  I can assure you, without a doubt, that young Trayvon has not died in vain.  His life and his death have sparked a resurgence of faith and action in so many.  The key is to keep the flames burning…and that’s where I come in.

And you? What are you called for? Have you started doing it? Will your eulogy speak all your dreams in past tense? Will you have done everything you set out to? I sure hope so.  It takes a special kind to stand in his greatness and achieve all that God intended.  Glad to know I won’t be soaring alone.

Good luck and Namaste!