My Brother's Keeper

Alright brothers, this is for you (again).  I have been doing a lot of talking with a lot of you, and it seems that there are some concerns about this “whole changing your mind thing.” It’s not that hard!  Really it’s not, but I understand why you would think it has to be.

Struggle is a form of resistance, and resistance breeds strength.  Now, while this makes perfect sense in small doses, too much resistance at one time is damaging.

Allow me to elaborate on this analogy of a strength training for a moment. When you are about to do any weight training or cardiovascular exercise that requires resistance, you have to warm up.  You need about a good 5-7 minutes to get blood pumping loosely throughout the body, warming up your muscles and getting them primed for activity.  In the process, your heart begins to slowly climb to its peak point where calories are burned, muscles are ripped and strength is increased. If you rush the process or stop short in the middle of it, you’ll sustain damages – sometimes irreparrable damages.

Well, the same is true of your thought process. When you press yourself too hard too fast you are guaranteed to crash and burn.  And with life being so hard, we often feel the best thing is to “just be over it.”  But the truth is: there is a lesson to be learned.  Until you learn it, you will continue to relive it.  If you think you’ve gotten all the answers you can, but you’re still in the same spot – there’s soemthing else you should be focused on.  You know what you know, now allow yourself to learn what you don’t.

I always find it interesting when brothers tell me how unreal my expectations are for their behaviors.  “You want me to think like a woman or act like a woman.  That’s not my style.”

Interestingly enough, women think this is crazy, too.  No matter what – male or female – we all want the struggle to be over.  And yet, we deem it a necessary part of our growth. In this frame of mind, the very source of your development doesn’t do anything more than prolong your growth.

So what can be done about this? Try being yourself.  There are some things that come more naturally to men than women – just from biological make-up alone.  Use what you’ve got to get what you want (now there is something sisters probably need to hear).  Let’s take a few things into consideration, shall we?

  • Most men function in the left hemisphere of the brain. The hemisphere that controls the right side of the body and emphasizes logic, reason, and problem-solving.  This is why so many men desire to solve problems when women attempt to “vent.”
  • While men and women both have testosterone and estrogen, testosterone is more prevalent in men.
  • Testosterone drives aggression; and aggression is often taught to be transferred into competition – whether in sports, school, or career.
  • As a result of competition, men tend to be more product driven than many of their female counterparts, and put greater emphasis on achievement, task-orientation and outcomes.

As you begin the process of changing your mind it is important to remember all of these things.  Competition, outcomes, and logic can all be extraordinarily helpful as you venture into a space that completely defies all of the above.

And of course, because I believe it work – I triple dog dare you to try something for one week:

  • Set a “small goal.”  Think about something you want, something small that you should have to pay for, but you want for free.  A bag of M&Ms, breakfast, lunch.
  • Imagine how good it is going to feel knowing that you are going to get it. If you’re the competitive type, think about how good it will feel knowing you figured out how to get the things you want whenever you want, and no one can stand in your way.
  • Now, whenever you can – imagine yourself having your small goal; while your on the train, at your desk, wherever. As you do this – you will begin to see signs of it all around you.  Suddenly you will have the energy to wake up a little earlier, do a little extra, and continue to draw what you want into your life.

So brothers – no more excuses.  The world is yours if you want it.  All you have to do is expect it to come to you.

Change your mind and the world is yours.

As always, wishing you well,
Kiki B., The WILD Side


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